MPs IN A FIZZ-TIZZ

From today's BBC News website

"A tax on sugary drinks should be introduced as part of a "bold and urgent" set of measures to tackle child obesity in England, MPs say.

The Commons' Health Committee said there was now "compelling evidence" a tax would reduce consumption.

Its report, which puts pressure on ministers who have so far been resisting a tax, also proposes a crackdown on marketing and advertising.

Food industry representatives say a new tax would be unfair on consumers.

The government will be setting out its plans early next year when it publishes a child obesity strategy, but has said a tax is not something it favours."

Here's my thinking.

1. God forbid even the notion that hypocrisy has any place in politics but before I even consider the recommendations of the MPs involved in this idea, I would like to see their individual body mass index results and those of their children to see if they are leading by example and are all perfectly fit as butcher's dogs.

2. If a tax is put on sugary products, why is it necessary to penalise adults and children who look after themselves, are at acceptable weight levels and who enjoy the occasional Coca-Cola? It is not fair to use the "we're all in this together" card. I'm not saying there is not a problem but a proportionate response is required.

3. Why isn't there a programme of weight registration where, say, every two years it would be a legal requirement for everyone regardless of age to be weighed? Anyone within acceptable limits, no further action. Anyone with unacceptable results would be assessed for assistance to get in shape. Three unacceptable weigh-ins and bring on the penalties. I'm only half-joking.

4. MPs, committees, lobby groups, TV cooks, weirdo celebrities should think very carefully about overusing words like crisis, epidemic, catastrophe and all other worry-stirring hoo-haa words to underline whatever they are shovelling our way.

5. If this really is a world of choices - offer me war, plastic bags and fizzy lemonade and I'll take my chances with the plastic and the pop.

Now, to the fridge for a drink.