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Sunday, 30 June 2013

ONE SEVENTY





ONE SEVENTY 

One seventy,
number of our address,
for sixty years our family home
but after a sad passing, for sale,
under offer, sold,
going, going, gone.

Nothing lasts forever,
why did we think it should,
when we knew it never could?

We just wished it would.

ANCESTORS

Ashes, ashes,
dust, dust,
the remains of ancestors
like dunes
blocking my progress
from here to there,
from past to present
and on.....

My feet sink into
the sands of time.
I move slowly
if I move at all,
the grip of annoyed spirits
tugging at my skin.


Thursday, 27 June 2013

AT A BUSINESS CONFERENCE

"Nearly is not good enough," said the portly executive,
presenting at a lets-pretend-we-are-all-colleagues conference,
where the bonhomie was as plastic as the coffee cups
and the enthusiasm as tangible as a burst balloon.

"The customer is always king," we chanted,
slapping our arses in pseudo-tambourine-banging motions,
trapped into clapping the podium claptrap,
as insane and pointless as howling at the moon.

"We are one team in thought and deed," said the HR smoothie,
pausing to prompt an ovation for his words of genius,
and we obliged, shouting and whistling our agreement,
secretly mocking this cliche-ridden buffoon.

"Sell, sell, sell and do it well, well, well," our parting anthem,
waving the small flags we were given to add to the fun,
carrying huge folders of procedures, guidance and wisdom,
sagging from the banality of a business pantomime afternoon.



Wednesday, 26 June 2013

LESS AND LESS

There are fewer and fewer old sailors,
old soldiers, old pilots willing to tell
their exaggerated stories for entertainment,
for education of the young,
for old times sake, for a last hurrah,
for the sake of remembering
the sad tales, the descriptions of tragedies,
of comrades lost and saved,
the yarns spun to make us smile,
or reduce us to tears as the storytellers' watery eyes
stare through us, past us to long gone days
that are never really gone.

Out come the shoeboxes held together with string,
the medals, coins, shell-casings,
browning photographs of smiling friends,
occasionally the nub of a scar from a near-miss
exposed by an upturned shirt sleeve.

Come the last breath,
death,
and the framed pictures on mantlepieces,
military men in immaculate uniform dress,
reminding loved ones of loved ones
and the truth that there are less and less......

Tuesday, 25 June 2013

SLEEP WELL, GUPO

A fleeting glance 
all those years ago in Portugal,
the sharp bend of a mountain road,
the pile of flowers, ribbons, photographs,
a random display of bright, vibrant bouquets
against the brown, dry rocks,
shimmering cellophane in the morning sun,
a small wooden cross to highlight something tragic,
a weathered sign that identified the point of it all:

"Sleep Well Gupo".

Who was Gupo?

Whoever he was, he mattered - matters - to someone,
not to me, driving past his shrine by chance;
although twenty years on, it's vivid,
an enduring image frozen in my memory
a camera-shot clicked by a fleeting glance,
reminding me of a complete stranger.

Sleep well, Gupo.

Sunday, 23 June 2013

DID YOU SEE THE SIZE OF THE MOON LAST NIGHT?

Did you see the size of the moon last night,
in all it's glowy and all it's might,
a great big ball of natural light,
did you see the size of the moon last night?

Then I remembered the cat and the fiddle yarn
and my mind began to wander a bit,
looking at the size of the moon last night,
it'd take a bloody big cow to jump over it.


p.s. I meant to type "glowy"!

Saturday, 22 June 2013

FAREWELL JAMES GANDOLFINI




So farewell James Gandolfini, 
mighty man,
mighty Tony, 
fondly remembered for so much, 
but especially one thing - 
badda bing!

Friday, 21 June 2013

END OF A BEASTLY WEEK

From my new book of funny & silly verse for kids of all ages (see blurb after poem)

£4.99 plus p&p from www.feedaread.com -




END OF A BEASTLY WEEK

Thank armadillos it's Friday
Thank baboons it's Friday
Thank cats it's Friday
Thank dogs it's Friday
Thank emus it's Friday
Thank frogs it's Friday
Thank gorillas it's Friday
Thank hyenas it's Friday
Thank iguanas it's Friday
Thank jackals it's Friday
Thank kangaroos it's Friday
Thank llamas it's Friday
Thank monkeys it's Friday
Thank newts it's Friday
Thank otters it's Friday
Thank pelicans it's Friday
Thank quails it's Friday
Thank raccoons it's Friday
Thank scorpions it's Friday
Thank tigers it's Friday 
Thank umbrella birds it's Friday
Thank vultures it's Friday
Thank weasels it's Friday
Thank x-ray fish it's Friday
Thank yaks it's Friday
Thank zebras it's Friday

Thanking the animal kingdom,
From bottom to bonce to beak,
It’s always a screech and a hoot
When you get to the end of the week.







Juggling Jelly

By Joe Cushnan
Some of the poems in this book are funny, some are silly, some are funny and silly....... This is a kind of “pick ‘n’ mix” selection to amuse in a world that cannot have enough smiles. The collection is for kids of all ages and I hope it works for you. CONTENTS: JELLY ZONE: Jelly Science/Clever Jelly/ Jelly Juggling Joe/Juggling Jelly/Chivers Jelly/Jelly, Jelly Everywhere/ Smelly Kelly Who Liked His Jelly/Shake, Rattle & Roll/Jamming/Jelly Twang/Jellyfish Fracas/Jelly Ship/Jelly On The Telly - JELLY-FREE ZONE: Cheesed Off/World Of Funny Noises/Drum Burst/Eyes Tested/Dreaming I’m Poet Laureate/Traction Man/Win Or Loos/Arriverderci Aroma/Nappy Days/Phone Alone/Nostril Damn Us/That’s The Spirit/Alien Wish (Fizzlepuff)/True Grit/Hey You!/Nervous Astronaut/Little Lamb/Muffet Fluffed It/Harrowing Experience/Pollywood/ Rainbow Warriors/God’s Gift/Clumsy/Leonardo Di Flatcaprio/Clocked/Diagnosis Lost/Best Boy/Dizzy Spinster/My Dog Ate My Homework/Frankly/Mind The Gap/Sweat/Abandon The Keyboard/Caw/Full Stop/Global Census/Settee/Roger Moore’s Trousers/The Cameron Daughter Incident/Sluggish/Silent Poem/Three Days/Monster In The Cupboard/Happy Days/Oscar Tame/ Chippy/Bath Water/Trapeze/Sharp/Vampire/TV/On The Font Foot/Runner-Up/End Of A Beastly Week/Naked Truth/There’s Smiles In Similes/Purrfect/Well, That’s It For Now
ISBN: 9781782994312
Total Pages: 98
Published: 18 May 2013
Price: £4.99

Thursday, 20 June 2013

DIZZY SPINSTER

From my new book of funny & silly verse for kids of all ages (see blurb after poem)

£4.99 plus p&p from www.feedaread.com -





DIZZY SPINSTER

She was my mother’s sister,
But she suffered this affliction,
Where she couldn’t stop herself
From her spinning-round addiction.

She’d have a get-up spin at dawn,
Then spin all through the day,
She’d spin to bed at bedtime
And spin the night away.

I said: “You’ve got to stop that.”
She said: “I’ve tried, I can’t.”
You see, my mother’s sister
Was indeed my giddy aunt.




Juggling Jelly

By Joe Cushnan
Some of the poems in this book are funny, some are silly, some are funny and silly....... This is a kind of “pick ‘n’ mix” selection to amuse in a world that cannot have enough smiles. The collection is for kids of all ages and I hope it works for you. CONTENTS: JELLY ZONE: Jelly Science/Clever Jelly/ Jelly Juggling Joe/Juggling Jelly/Chivers Jelly/Jelly, Jelly Everywhere/ Smelly Kelly Who Liked His Jelly/Shake, Rattle & Roll/Jamming/Jelly Twang/Jellyfish Fracas/Jelly Ship/Jelly On The Telly - JELLY-FREE ZONE: Cheesed Off/World Of Funny Noises/Drum Burst/Eyes Tested/Dreaming I’m Poet Laureate/Traction Man/Win Or Loos/Arriverderci Aroma/Nappy Days/Phone Alone/Nostril Damn Us/That’s The Spirit/Alien Wish (Fizzlepuff)/True Grit/Hey You!/Nervous Astronaut/Little Lamb/Muffet Fluffed It/Harrowing Experience/Pollywood/ Rainbow Warriors/God’s Gift/Clumsy/Leonardo Di Flatcaprio/Clocked/Diagnosis Lost/Best Boy/Dizzy Spinster/My Dog Ate My Homework/Frankly/Mind The Gap/Sweat/Abandon The Keyboard/Caw/Full Stop/Global Census/Settee/Roger Moore’s Trousers/The Cameron Daughter Incident/Sluggish/Silent Poem/Three Days/Monster In The Cupboard/Happy Days/Oscar Tame/ Chippy/Bath Water/Trapeze/Sharp/Vampire/TV/On The Font Foot/Runner-Up/End Of A Beastly Week/Naked Truth/There’s Smiles In Similes/Purrfect/Well, That’s It For Now
ISBN: 9781782994312
Total Pages: 98
Published: 18 May 2013
Price: £4.99

Wednesday, 19 June 2013

VAMPIRE

From my new book of funny & silly verse for kids of all ages (see blurb after poem)

£4.99 plus p&p from www.feedaread.com -




VAMPIRE

Vampire was always hungry,
From all that nightshift work he did,
He liked a hearty supper
Before he closed his coffin lid.

His wife made him a feast,
Endless dishes on a conveyor
And he ate everything in sight,
Vampire, the buffet slayer.




Juggling Jelly

By Joe Cushnan
Some of the poems in this book are funny, some are silly, some are funny and silly....... This is a kind of “pick ‘n’ mix” selection to amuse in a world that cannot have enough smiles. The collection is for kids of all ages and I hope it works for you. CONTENTS: JELLY ZONE: Jelly Science/Clever Jelly/ Jelly Juggling Joe/Juggling Jelly/Chivers Jelly/Jelly, Jelly Everywhere/ Smelly Kelly Who Liked His Jelly/Shake, Rattle & Roll/Jamming/Jelly Twang/Jellyfish Fracas/Jelly Ship/Jelly On The Telly - JELLY-FREE ZONE: Cheesed Off/World Of Funny Noises/Drum Burst/Eyes Tested/Dreaming I’m Poet Laureate/Traction Man/Win Or Loos/Arriverderci Aroma/Nappy Days/Phone Alone/Nostril Damn Us/That’s The Spirit/Alien Wish (Fizzlepuff)/True Grit/Hey You!/Nervous Astronaut/Little Lamb/Muffet Fluffed It/Harrowing Experience/Pollywood/ Rainbow Warriors/God’s Gift/Clumsy/Leonardo Di Flatcaprio/Clocked/Diagnosis Lost/Best Boy/Dizzy Spinster/My Dog Ate My Homework/Frankly/Mind The Gap/Sweat/Abandon The Keyboard/Caw/Full Stop/Global Census/Settee/Roger Moore’s Trousers/The Cameron Daughter Incident/Sluggish/Silent Poem/Three Days/Monster In The Cupboard/Happy Days/Oscar Tame/ Chippy/Bath Water/Trapeze/Sharp/Vampire/TV/On The Font Foot/Runner-Up/End Of A Beastly Week/Naked Truth/There’s Smiles In Similes/Purrfect/Well, That’s It For Now
ISBN: 9781782994312
Total Pages: 98
Published: 18 May 2013
Price: £4.99

Tuesday, 18 June 2013

GOD'S GIFT

From my new book of funny & silly verse for kids of all ages (see blurb after poem)

£4.99 plus p&p from www.feedaread.com -





GOD’S GIFT

"Congratulations," said God,
Here is your present. 
Treat it with care,
It's uses are wide,
Detailed instructions
Are tucked inside."

"Thank you," we said
And pulled at the string,
Clawed at the wrapping
Like kittens at play,
Found the instructions
And threw them away."


Juggling Jelly

By Joe Cushnan
Some of the poems in this book are funny, some are silly, some are funny and silly....... This is a kind of “pick ‘n’ mix” selection to amuse in a world that cannot have enough smiles. The collection is for kids of all ages and I hope it works for you. CONTENTS: JELLY ZONE: Jelly Science/Clever Jelly/ Jelly Juggling Joe/Juggling Jelly/Chivers Jelly/Jelly, Jelly Everywhere/ Smelly Kelly Who Liked His Jelly/Shake, Rattle & Roll/Jamming/Jelly Twang/Jellyfish Fracas/Jelly Ship/Jelly On The Telly - JELLY-FREE ZONE: Cheesed Off/World Of Funny Noises/Drum Burst/Eyes Tested/Dreaming I’m Poet Laureate/Traction Man/Win Or Loos/Arriverderci Aroma/Nappy Days/Phone Alone/Nostril Damn Us/That’s The Spirit/Alien Wish (Fizzlepuff)/True Grit/Hey You!/Nervous Astronaut/Little Lamb/Muffet Fluffed It/Harrowing Experience/Pollywood/ Rainbow Warriors/God’s Gift/Clumsy/Leonardo Di Flatcaprio/Clocked/Diagnosis Lost/Best Boy/Dizzy Spinster/My Dog Ate My Homework/Frankly/Mind The Gap/Sweat/Abandon The Keyboard/Caw/Full Stop/Global Census/Settee/Roger Moore’s Trousers/The Cameron Daughter Incident/Sluggish/Silent Poem/Three Days/Monster In The Cupboard/Happy Days/Oscar Tame/ Chippy/Bath Water/Trapeze/Sharp/Vampire/TV/On The Font Foot/Runner-Up/End Of A Beastly Week/Naked Truth/There’s Smiles In Similes/Purrfect/Well, That’s It For Now
ISBN: 9781782994312
Total Pages: 98
Published: 18 May 2013
Price: £4.99

Monday, 17 June 2013

BATH WATER


From my new book of funny & silly verse for kids of all ages (see blurb after poem)

£4.99 plus p&p from www.feedaread.com -




BATH WATER

Well, you see,
It was like this,
It was a busy time,
Not enough hours
In the day,
Only two hands,
Mind all over the place.....
You see,
I threw out the bath water
And then couldn't find the baby.....
You don't think,
Cough, splutter,
Perhaps,
Maybe...........



Juggling Jelly

By Joe Cushnan
Some of the poems in this book are funny, some are silly, some are funny and silly....... This is a kind of “pick ‘n’ mix” selection to amuse in a world that cannot have enough smiles. The collection is for kids of all ages and I hope it works for you. CONTENTS: JELLY ZONE: Jelly Science/Clever Jelly/ Jelly Juggling Joe/Juggling Jelly/Chivers Jelly/Jelly, Jelly Everywhere/ Smelly Kelly Who Liked His Jelly/Shake, Rattle & Roll/Jamming/Jelly Twang/Jellyfish Fracas/Jelly Ship/Jelly On The Telly - JELLY-FREE ZONE: Cheesed Off/World Of Funny Noises/Drum Burst/Eyes Tested/Dreaming I’m Poet Laureate/Traction Man/Win Or Loos/Arriverderci Aroma/Nappy Days/Phone Alone/Nostril Damn Us/That’s The Spirit/Alien Wish (Fizzlepuff)/True Grit/Hey You!/Nervous Astronaut/Little Lamb/Muffet Fluffed It/Harrowing Experience/Pollywood/ Rainbow Warriors/God’s Gift/Clumsy/Leonardo Di Flatcaprio/Clocked/Diagnosis Lost/Best Boy/Dizzy Spinster/My Dog Ate My Homework/Frankly/Mind The Gap/Sweat/Abandon The Keyboard/Caw/Full Stop/Global Census/Settee/Roger Moore’s Trousers/The Cameron Daughter Incident/Sluggish/Silent Poem/Three Days/Monster In The Cupboard/Happy Days/Oscar Tame/ Chippy/Bath Water/Trapeze/Sharp/Vampire/TV/On The Font Foot/Runner-Up/End Of A Beastly Week/Naked Truth/There’s Smiles In Similes/Purrfect/Well, That’s It For Now
ISBN: 9781782994312
Total Pages: 98
Published: 18 May 2013
Price: £4.99




Friday, 14 June 2013

NERVOUS ASTRONAUT


From my new book of funny & silly verse for kids of all ages (see blurb after poem)

£4.99 plus p&p from www.feedaread.com -



NERVOUS ASTRONAUT

Ten…
The astronaut breathes a long slow sigh
Nine…
Not long ‘til the rocket’s in the sky
Eight…
The final checklist has been ticked
Seven…
Nervous lips have just been licked
Six…
Dashboard alive with noise and light
Five…
Nervous spaceman’s first Moon flight
Four…
It’s noisy now he’s at four
Three…
The engine builds into a roar
Two…
Butterflies wrestling in his tummy
One…
Astronaut cries: “I want my Mummy.”



Juggling Jelly

By Joe Cushnan
Some of the poems in this book are funny, some are silly, some are funny and silly....... This is a kind of “pick ‘n’ mix” selection to amuse in a world that cannot have enough smiles. The collection is for kids of all ages and I hope it works for you. CONTENTS: JELLY ZONE: Jelly Science/Clever Jelly/ Jelly Juggling Joe/Juggling Jelly/Chivers Jelly/Jelly, Jelly Everywhere/ Smelly Kelly Who Liked His Jelly/Shake, Rattle & Roll/Jamming/Jelly Twang/Jellyfish Fracas/Jelly Ship/Jelly On The Telly - JELLY-FREE ZONE: Cheesed Off/World Of Funny Noises/Drum Burst/Eyes Tested/Dreaming I’m Poet Laureate/Traction Man/Win Or Loos/Arriverderci Aroma/Nappy Days/Phone Alone/Nostril Damn Us/That’s The Spirit/Alien Wish (Fizzlepuff)/True Grit/Hey You!/Nervous Astronaut/Little Lamb/Muffet Fluffed It/Harrowing Experience/Pollywood/ Rainbow Warriors/God’s Gift/Clumsy/Leonardo Di Flatcaprio/Clocked/Diagnosis Lost/Best Boy/Dizzy Spinster/My Dog Ate My Homework/Frankly/Mind The Gap/Sweat/Abandon The Keyboard/Caw/Full Stop/Global Census/Settee/Roger Moore’s Trousers/The Cameron Daughter Incident/Sluggish/Silent Poem/Three Days/Monster In The Cupboard/Happy Days/Oscar Tame/ Chippy/Bath Water/Trapeze/Sharp/Vampire/TV/On The Font Foot/Runner-Up/End Of A Beastly Week/Naked Truth/There’s Smiles In Similes/Purrfect/Well, That’s It For Now
ISBN: 9781782994312
Total Pages: 98
Published: 18 May 2013
Price: £4.99