Friday, 6 November 2015

FAILED SCREENPLAYS


Sorbet The Greek – the story of an ancient man of vision who predicted the invention of iced desserts.
Belfast And Furious – action thriller about car thefts in Northern Ireland
The Spy Who Came In From The Shocking Weather – espionage in the rain
Restless In Roscommon – Irish romance
Sunday Night And Monday Morning – a tale of working class drinking and absenteeism at work
MacGillycuddy Reeks – the invention of the bath
Fartacus – a longwinded Viking saga
Kill Kenny – a Quentin Tarantino action story set in Ireland
A Fistful of Dulse – seaweed western
The Purple Rose Of Carlow – an intelligent comedy
Tunes Of Gory – the quest for a man to find the cure for breathing more easily whilst controlling his nasal fluids
Our Ma – the county saga of an Ulster family
The Very Good Escape – a not-bad attempt by POWs to flee their captors
Done Leery – a seedy tale of a Dublin stalker
Days Of Beer And Quality Street – the story of a couch potato
One Flew Into The Cuckold’s Vest – how a short-sighted pigeon interfered in a spurned husband’s life
Saving Ryan’s Privates – a story of intimate surgery
Raging Bullshit – terror on a farm
Sent Awful Woman – a dating agency comedy
It’s A Wonderful Liffy – life on an Irish river
Diving Miss Daisy – adventurous pensioner takes to the deep sea
Murder At The Pizza Express – mystery about several toppings
Schindler’s Leaning Disorder – a man bends the rules in wartime
The Day Of Jack All – an everyday story of nothing happening
Singin’ In Coleraine – An Ulster musical
Bundoran Jones And The Lucozade Crusade – an adventurer searches for sports elixir
12 Mildly Annoyed Men – slow-moving jury drama
The Umpire Strikes Back – a tennis saga
Bridget Jones's Diarrhea – a story of breathtaking courage
Donegal Brasco – an Irish gangster thriller
A Jewel Up India’s Passage – a story of Eastern promise
A Bridge Not Near Enough – a story of war and dodgy map reading



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