LOOKING BACK 2022/LOOKING FORWARD 2023

Looking back,

there were decisions I should not have made,

there were decisions I should have made,

things I should not have said,

things I should have said,

people I should have forgotten,

people I should have remembered,

situations I should have avoided,

situations I should have arranged,

jobs I should have abandoned,

jobs I should have done.

*

Looking forward,

there will be decisions I will not make,

there will be decisions I will make,

things I will not say,

things I will say,

people I will forget,

people I will remember,

situations I will avoid,

situations I will arrange,

jobs I will abandon,

jobs I will do.

*

American professional baseball pitcher, Satchell Paige's famous quote always comes to mind at this time of the year:

"Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you."

And to that, I add:

"Amen, and onward."

 

LAST BLOG POST OF 2022 - PEACE, LOVE & UNDERSTANDING

 

A VERY HAPPY CHRISTMAS

TO

ALL THOSE OF US

WHO GIVE A DAMN

ABOUT

PEACE, LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING.

ONWARD 2023.

WHEN WE SHOUT HAPPY NEW YEAR,

LET'S HOPE SO.

TAMMY WYNETTE - THE STORY GOES

The story goes ......

...... that when Tammy Wynette told her first husband 

she was taking the three kids and leaving him,

to drive their beat-up station wagon to Nashville, 

Euple Byrd (his real and comedy name) asked 

why she was going there. 

"To become a star." 

The chronic, scathing Byrd spat: "Dream on."

With a CV of church singing and harmonising, 

and a teardrop-sob in her voice, she made records, 

hits of love, loneliness, heartache, heartbreak, divorce,

of being a woman, standing by her man, her men.

When I was a child, I wanted to be a bus driver, 

a priest, an actor, maybe a writer when I grew up, 

but I was never damned with any tight-lipped sneering 

“Dream on” dripping with sarcasm. 

My mother and several others, but especially my mother, 

encouraged my dreams as mothers do,

even though I never drove a bus, wore a collar, trod the boards, 

dreams of writer’s fame long gone.

Years after splitting, Euple Byrd asked

the famous Tammy Wynette for an autograph. 

She wrote: 

“Dream on!”

SANTA IN THE GARDEN

 

Santa likes to dig-dig-dig,

Santa likes to grow-grow-grow,

Santa likes to rake-rake-rake,

But most of all,

Santa likes to hoe-hoe-hoe

CHRISTMAS CRIB OUTSIDE ST TERESA'S CHURCH, GLEN ROAD, BELFAST - A MEMORY

It was the highlight of the year,
apart from toys on Christmas day,
to see the outdoor crib
where the baby Jesus lay.

Memory and maturity spoil
the wonder of it all
for the star was a bulb

and Jesus was a doll. 

MOTHER'S SON

 

It doesn’t take much –

the sizzle of bacon frying,

a wasp squashed by a newspaper,

a dandelion,

a soft handshake,

the smell of bleach,

champ and butter,

raindrops on a window,

an ink blot,

finding coins down the back of a sofa,

tomato sandwiches,

a TV theme tune,

washing up liquid bubbles,

stewed tea,

whispering a prayer,

melting candle wax,

talcum powder,

a full moon,

the rush of a tide,

a crying baby,

good manners,

a church spire,

daffodils,

Bisto,

knitting needles,

paraffin,

Forty Shades of Green,

furniture polish,

rosary beads,

snooker -

all this and more - 

mother's son.

IT'S THAT TIME OF THE YEAR AGAIN - HO, HO, HO!

 

Link to publisher FeedARead {It is no longer on Amazon.} - 

https://www.feedaread.com/books/Only-Yules-Verses-9781784070823.aspx

This book was published in 2013. An unsolicited comment appeared on Amazon. I call stuff like this little nudges of encouragement. Of course, for every flattering nudge, there are several pokes in the eye waiting in the wings. 

Here’s the comment from a man called Joe Koot:

“Only Yules and Verses is one of those special little books that you happen upon serendipitously. I have read authors' blurbs before extolling the mirth to be found in THEIR book only to buy the book and be severely disappointed. What an unexpected joy, therefore, to pick up this little gem and read it to the end with smiles, a few laughs out loud and some headshakes at the ingenuity of Joe Cushnan. I thoroughly enjoyed this and wholeheartedly recommend it to everyone. P.S. I am not a friend or family member of the author, but how I wish I were!”

Here's a sample:

WENCESLAS WEATHER

 

Good King Wenceslas looked out

And did a double take,

Despite all his initial doubt,

He rubbed his eyes awake.

Brightly shone the sun that day,

Sweltering hot and sticky,

He thought as this is Christmas Eve,

The forecast’s a bit dicky.

 

“Bring me shorts Bermuda-style,

Bring me sun tan lotion,

Bring me cola by the crate

And ice cubes by the ocean.

Bring my sunbed by the pool,

I can’t believe this weather,

I can swim around all day

In the altogether.”

 

Good King Wenceslas’s dream

Ended with a bump,

He fell out of his bed it seems

And bruised his ample rump,

Groggy from his accident

And dazed and half-asleep,

He gaped out through the curtain gap

To see snow six-feet deep.

‘APPY CHRISTMAS

To gadget geeks – Appy Christmas

To bakers – Bappy Christmas

To dentists – Cappy Christmas

To good blokes – Chappy Christmas

To audiences – Clappy Christmas

To birds – Flappy Christmas

To Tube guards – Gappy Christmas

To motor racers – Lappy Christmas

To explorers – Mappy Christmas

To babies – Nappy Christmas

To urban singers – Rappy Christmas

To boxers – Scrappy Christmas

To make-up artists – Slappy Christmas

To crocodiles – Snappy Christmas

To plumbers – Tappy Christmas

To puppies – Yappy Christmas

To video game players – Zappy Christmas

100 YEARS OF THE ULSTER GRAND PRIX - A CENTURY OF ROAD RACING

 

100 Years of the Ulster Grand Prix

A Century of Road Racing

by

Norman Windrum

https://blackstaffpress.com/100-years-of-the-ulster-grand-prix-9781780733050

I will take a stab at 1965/66, when I was just pre-teen.  My big brother Paul was a massive fan of motorcycle racing and especially the Ulster Grand Prix.  He took me with him a couple of times.  This was the era of Mike Hailwood, Giacomo Agostini, Tommy Robb and Phil Read riding big name bikes such as Honda, MV, Bultaco and Yamaha.  I recall the pits were open to the public and pre-race we would wander through to see mechanics tinkering with motorbikes and, occasionally, we would spot a famous racer.  The prize for a spectator, according to my brother, was to ask a Honda crew member for (and get) his Honda baseball cap.  I remember the thunderous noise as bikes were revved and the intoxicating smell of fuel fumes.  It was amazing and exciting to be at the Ulster Grand Prix.

 

These memories have been reignited on reading 100 Years of the Ulster Grand Prix – A Century of Road Racing by Norman Windrum.  And what an excellent achievement it is.  He charts the beginnings of the fixture, the trials and tribulations of getting the event off the ground, the debatable timing of such a notion in the politically troubled and unstable political landscape in early 1920s Ireland and the anxieties of the 1970s troubles.  But determination and growing public interest eventually won the day.  Motorcycle companies, racers and spectator enthusiasm helped the UGP become prestigious on the sporting calendar.  The first phase of the UGP story centred on a road circuit in Clady, County Antrim before moving to Dundrod , near Lisburn.  

It has to be said that health and safety were not a particular priority as fans lined the roadside, sometimes risking life and limb as bikes raced by.  Over time, of course, safety became paramount.  

 

Even from my long-ago memories of attending the Ulster Grand Prix, it’s the speed and the bravery of racers always rising to the challenge and pushing for faster laps that make up the thrill of it all.  There have been superheroes, glorious triumphs and, sadly, many tragedies.

 

The story of the UGP is told via Norman Windrum’s detailed and loving narrative enhanced by historical programme covers and many action photographs.  The forty-five pages of statistics at the end are fascinating in themselves.  The book, by Blackstaff Press, is a beautiful production.

Anyone with even just an inkling of interest in motorcycle racing and Northern Irish sport generally would do themselves a favour and buy this book.  Die-hard enthusiasts should not hesitate to get a hold of it and marvel at 100 years of the Ulster Grand Prix.

AN INCIDENT BETWEEN MY MOTHER AND THE REVEREND IAN PAISLEY

 

This happened sometime in the early 1970s in our Belfast living room.


In an uncharacteristic burst of anger,
my mother removed her slipper,
concentrated hard, took careful aim
and let fly at the television set.

On impact, the vase on top wobbled,
we kids tranced between gasp and cough,
and the reason for mother's missile -
Ian Paisley shouting his mouth off.

10 RECORDS I ONCE LOVED BUT NOW CAN'T STAND

When these records first came out, I enjoyed them, along with millions of other people around the world.  I have been doing a bit of stocktaking for a writing project and, on reflection, it would not upset me if I never heard these tracks again. 

American Pie (1971) Don McLean

Bohemian Rhapsody (1975) Queen

Fairytale of New York (1987) The Pogues featuring Kirsty McColl)

Imagine (1971) John Lennon

Stairway to Heaven (1971) Led Zeppelin

Albatross (1968) Fleetwood Mac

My Way (1969) Frank Sinatra

Space Oddity (1969) David Bowie

A Day in the Life (1967) The Beatles

Fields of Gold (1993) Sting

If I scour my memory, there will be many more than 10!

TV SHOWS THAT I WILL NEVER WATCH AGAIN

 

10 UK TV shows, I will never watch again. Includes anything that features judges or so-called experts.

No order. And not the end of it. 

Strictly Come Dancing

The Great British Bake Off

The BBC News

The ITV News

Sky News

BBC Question Time

Prime Minister's Questions (PMQs)

Any quiz show hosted by a celebrity (excluding Bradley Walsh - least annoying)

Any travel show hosted by a celebrity

Anything narrated by David Attenborough

EAVESDROPPINGS - A SELECTION OF TRUE THINGS OVERHEARD

 

I love making a note of the things I overhear people say.  Here's a few - and all true.

‘Every Christmas
I send him a long letter.
I think he appreciates it.
He’s in prison, like.
Nothing serious.’

‘He’s had his final last chance.
Every frigging time
he thinks he can waltz back
as if nothing has changed.
No more. No fucking way.’

‘You have rice with it.
Everybody does.
You don’t have chips
with Chicken a la King.’

‘You’ll have to come down yourself.
They won’t let me in the bookies
with a baby.’

‘Hey big bollocks,
how’s it hanging?’

‘He has to take it easy.
They found a kink
in his small intestine.'

‘I don’t think I will
but I know I could.
Maybe I should.
What’s the worst than can happen?’

‘Her birthday present will be a surprise.
It’s not what she wants
but it’s what she’s getting.
She’ll get the hump
but she’ll have to lump it.’

‘Ach, I do miss him.
He used to kill all the spiders.’

‘Some nights I think I wear
all the clothes I’ve got,
layers and layers.
I can’t afford the heating.’

‘At the funeral somebody said
that for all his faults
he had lovely handwriting.’

‘I can’t get used to a Great Dane
in the living room.’

‘Can’t believe the number
of orange trees in Seville.”

‘He slammed the door
and cracked the glass
with that temper of his.’

‘Every time you come shopping with me
you turn into an idiot. Go and sit
on that bench over there until I’m finished.’

‘Some days I need the stick
and some days I don’t.
It depends on what my leg tells me.’

‘It’s against the law to call them Cornish.
They’re meat and vegetable pasties now.’

‘Watch out. That puddle’s wet.’

10 THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF RIGHT NOW

 

In no particular order:

Politicians who lie, deny and cling to the wreckage, even though they are guilty as sin.

Putin.

Littermongers.

People who vape like Puffing Billy, especially when I am walking right behind them.

Celebrities, especially in the Christmas memoir season, who feel the need to "open up", "reach out", etc with their exaggerated angst, boohoo stories.

Morning/daytime TV blether and blah shows, including so-called news shows.

Idiot car drivers who can't be bothered to park in the right way in the right places.

Northern Irish politicians. 

Jimmy Fallon and his false laughter.

Adele. 

And that's only 10!!

WELCOME WEE MAN

 

At 4.52 am,

on the 13th October, 2022,

Thursday,

286^th day of the year,

opal and tourmaline

birthstones sparkled,

under the sign of Libra,

love and peace, amor et pax,

welcome baby Max

 

CAGE FIGHT

 Cage Fight

God had brainstormed some rules for living before

Work began on his biggest project. Operation Creation!

No groin attacks, no strikes to the back of the head, 

No eye-gouging, no fish-hooking, no biting, no hair-pulling,

No grabbing by the throat, no stomping on the spine,

No fingers in body holes, no head butts, no bone-breaking.

For those who believe Eden, the apple and snake tale,

This is a definition of paradise, the only example

Of a once-in-a-lifetime chance to create trust

And certainty. But from blueprint to reality, the plan would fail.

The forbidden tree of knowledge could not be resisted,

Fruit was plucked and eaten in the first defiant act,

Nothing and no one would ever be the same again.

From that beautiful cartoon garden to chaos.

The global cage fight began. Pugnacious versus pacifist,

Aggression versus integrity versus sincerity, and that versus this

And this versus that. Combat. Cruelty. Carnage.

The world grinding on, lubricated by plentiful bloodshed.

And all, if you believe the yarn, on the bite of an apple.