In Search of My Father 2017 Writing Project

In Search of My Father 2017 Writing Project
In Search of My Father, 2017 writing project supported by The National Lottery through the Arts Council of Northern Ireland

Thursday, 22 September 2016

SUPERMARKETS - SATAN'S CATHEDRALS - IDIOT-PROOF LAYOUTS

That bastard sugar has been in the news again. Oh, how some shake their fists at it. And its partner in crime, salt?  Don't get me started. And people stuffing themselves with foods of the Devil? Jeez.  Everything these days is a crisis, an epidemic, a plague, a word or a phrase to heighten dramatically anything and everything to fill our heads with angst. Private Frazer was right. We ARE all doomed.

As sure as death and taxes, bad news about the National Health Service (or what's left of it) pours out of newsrooms daily, inevitably leading to experts spouting about lifestyle choices and obesity.  Food, diet, health all have their actual or well-spun analyses, controversies, crises, epidemics, etc.  So, we need a revolution, especially in shops that sell food and even more especially in Satan's cathedrals, or supermarkets as we know them.




Supermarkets need a bloody good overhaul to make things clear to the dumb, dense, witless public (for that is what we are folks in the minds of the behavioural nudgers in politics and business).  So, here it is again.  My revolutionary supermarket layout to satisfy Nanny, and to guide us to the promised land of long life and happiness.




All the talk about retail pressures, reinvention and regeneration, clarity for customers and healthy living, got me thinking that all food stores, large, medium and small, should adopt the simplest form of layout.  

Asking customers to read product labels is a non-starter. Too much information. Too much blah. Too much cover-your-arse verbiage.  And the amount of words on food packs will soon weigh more than the products!  Here's the solution:

4 sections all painted - floors, walls, ceilings to avoid any confusion (remember, we shoppers are thick as Marmite on a bap):

Green zone: Contains all food and drink that Nanny says is very, very good for us.

Amber zone: Contains all food and drink that Nanny says is not too risky

Red Zone: Contains all food and drink that Nanny says is bad for us - but it's our choice to enter this zone.

Zone Painted In All The Colours Of The Fires Of Hell - for all food and drink that Nanny considers extremely bad for us even though it might be the tastiest selection - enter if you dare!

There you go. Simple as that. No need for expensive research. 

It's worth a pilot, surely. Today's daft idea is tomorrow's solution.........

Food and drink retailing is saved, as is the nation's height/weight ratio.

I can be contacted via this blog or at the Home for the Bewildered.


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