BAG FOR LIFE - DEAD!

One minute I'm happy shopping,
the next a moment of dread,
one of the handles comes away
and my "bag for life" is dead.

It was a perfectly happy bag,
even carrying heavy stuff
but alas it suddenly snapped,
enough was enough was enough.

How long is life for a "bag for life",
how long is a piece of string,
how long before the handles of the next bag
decide to give up and go ping?

HAMISH ON AUDIOBOO

I'm dabbling with Audioboo and have recorded 3 "Hamish Sheaney" poems - here's the link

http://audioboo.fm/boos/1214596-3-poems-by-hamish-sheaney

FINGERPOINTING

It wasn't me,
it was him,
it was her,
it was them,
it was it,
the urge to blame,
name and shame,
whether truth or lie,
we turn our face to smug,
we give a shoulder shrug,
we accuse and confuse
allegations, rumours, facts,
twist the words to suit ourselves,
to cash in, to claim and sue........

......but beware......

......when you point your finger,
three are pointing back at you.

BRAISE YOURSELF

Waiter, waiter
said the alligator
there's no humans in my stew
I'm sorry 'gator
said the waiter, waiter,
but we only had a few

Waiter, waiter

said the alligator

this really will not do

I reserved one only yesterday

a male 'bout six foot two

Waiter, waiter

said the alligator

please do as you are told

get undressed and braise yourself

I'd like you casseroled

POPE OPERA

Work in progress...............

POPE: I am the leader of the Catholic Church

CATHOLICS: And a right good leader too

POPE: You’re very, very holy and you know holy-moly, I’ve caused a right to-do

CATHOLICS: We’re very, very holy and you know holy-moly, you’ve put us in a stew

POPE: Though I’ve been the CEO here on Earth down below, make way for someone else, who will it be?; I’m getting pretty frail, so I reckon I should bail, to never, ever make a comeback to the See.

CATHOLICS: What, never?

POPE: No, never!

CATHOLICS: What, never?

POPE: Well, unless Celebrity Big Brother calls…………..

CATHOLICS: He’ll never, ever make a comeback to the See. So, give three cheers, even though we’re in the lurch, for the leader of the Catholic Church……..

etc

etc

REAL NEWS

Give me a big, fat, ugly woman

And a big, fat, ugly man

In miserable grey rags

To read the news on TV.

Give me faces with shaving cuts,

Pimples, freckles and acne,

Hairy nostrils and yellow teeth

To present quizzes and game shows.

Give me real people who fart

And belch on air, scratch,

Sniff, snort and sneeze

Using their sleeves as hankies.

Give me flesh and blood,

Give me ums and errs,

Give me the bloke down the road,

Give me Mr and Mrs Ordinary from the shop queue.

To hell with robocaster,

To hell with autocue,

To hell with lip gloss,

To hell with style,

To hell with posing.......

Just tell me what’s going on in the world!

MOST VIEWED 7 DAYS TO 09.02.13

Here are the links to the most viewed poetry posts in the past seven days - just click to read:

RICHARD III
SILENT FOOTSTEP
SHAKY FREEDOM OF SPEECH
NOSTRIL DAMN US (WARNING: CONTAINS MOISTURE)
THE WHOLE POINT
STONE-SKIMMING IN THE LOIRE
HR: HYPOCRISY RULES
SLOBBER
MOST VIEWED POETRY POSTS 7 DAYS TO 01.09.2012
10 MOST VIEWED POSTS EVER