I WANT COMPENSATION FOR.........

Compensation culture - if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

I want, nay demand, compensation for:

.....unnecessary queuing in shops, post offices, etc..

.....anxiety in car parks when the machines won't accept even perfectly good coins

.....further anxiety in car parks where machines don't give change (bandits!)

.....wasted time answering annoying phone calls about PPI, double-glazing,time share, accident claims, et al.

.....wasted time answering the door to people who try to worry me about my roof, my windows, my driveway, my drains, etc.

.....wasted time listening to Vivaldi when contacting call centres. (Change the flipping record!)

.....thumb-strain as I channel hop for ages trying to find something to watch on TV.

.....angst when my mind blanks trying to remember one of the dozens of passwords, pins, security questions, etc that plague modern life.

.....increased blood pressure when TV announcers butt in at the end of programmes, ruining the moment of reflection and blanking out the theme music. 

.........and on and on and on.

Cheques payable to "Home for the Bewildered".