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Wednesday, 1 March 2017


The Decisives - straight into the booth, pencil grabbed, X engraved onto the ballot paper and out in a flash.

The Ditherers - into the booth, can be heard humming, teeth-sucking and sighing, before adding a lightly etched X to the ballot paper.

The Spoilers - those with the pantomime villain smirk, into the booth to scribble a message across all the names that would make a maiden aunt blush well into next week.

The Secret Agents- preferring a booth with a curtain to draw or else crouching down to shield the ballot paper with a crooked arm rather like a school kid hiding exam answers.

The Creasers- taking their sweet time to fold their ballot papers into perfect squares, the smaller the better, before popping them into the box.

The Obsessive Compulsives - bringing their own pencils and a pairs of Marigolds to avoid contamination.

The Conscientious Objectors - giving it large down the pub that the candidates are all a bunch of losers of doubtful parentage.

The Dozers-On-The-Sofa-Mumbling-While-Jeremy-Kyle-Is-On-TV: "Election, what election?"

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