CHRISTMAS SHOPPING

Christmas shopping,

Christmas shopping,

Really makes me dizzy.

Why can’t Christmas

Be in June

When the shops aren’t quite so busy?

A YOUNG MAN DIES

A young man dies and we gather to grieve,
Attempt an answer to the question why,
Summon the composure to say goodbye,
Confused and confounded he had to leave.
Up to the moment, that second of fate,
Good years past but the best ahead,
Of the end not a hint, a trace, a shred,
That impatient cruelty would not wait.
If fortune smiles we grow up and we learn,
We gain wisdom, wit and experience,
Have a chance of success's radiance,
Have hope we survive each twist and turn.
We assemble to mourn a young man's death,
To remember him - first cry to last breath.

GOVERNMENT SKINT UNTIL.....

Department for Business, Innovation and Skills,
Too expensive,
No money.

Department for Communities and Local Government,

Too expensive,

No money.

Department for Culture, Media and Sport,

Too expensive,

No money.

Department for Education,

Too expensive,

No money.

Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs

Too expensive,

No money.

Department for International Development,

Too expensive,

No money.

Department for Transport,

Too expensive,

No money.

Department for Work and Pensions,

Too expensive,

No money.

Department for Energy and Climate Change,

Too expensive,

No money.

Department for Health,

Too expensive,

No money.

Foreign and Commonwealth Office,

Too expensive,

No money.

Home Office,

Too expensive,

No money.

Ministry of Justice,

Too expensive,

No money.

Northern Ireland Office,

Too expensive,

No money.

Scotland Office,

Too expensive,

No money.

Wales Office,

Too expensive,

No money.

Office of the Leader of the House of Commons,

Too expensive,

No money.

Office of the Leader of the House of Lords,

Too expensive,

No money.

Ministry of Defence,

Richer than the rest,

Ta-da!

Bottomless war chest.

THERESA MIGHT, THERESA MAY

Here's a repeat of my June 2012 poem Theresa Might, Theresa May......

Details of internet use in the UK will have to be stored for a year to allow police and intelligence services to access it, under government plans. Records will include people's activity on social network sites, webmail, internet phone calls and online gaming.  Home Secretary Theresa May said the change was needed to keep up with how criminals were using new technology. (Reported 14 June 2012)

Theresa Might, Theresa May,
any moment, any day,
will have the snooping powers to
see what we all say and view.

Theresa May, Theresa Might,
have her own satellite
to hear who we are talking too,
to spy on things we like to do.

Theresa Might, Theresa May,
privacy has had its day,
freedom's gained a ball and chain,
in authority's clamping down campaign.

Theresa May, Theresa Might,
talking sense or talking shite,
how'd she handle protest hits
from fifty million texting Brits?

Theresa Might, Theresa May,
says change is needed to block the way
of each criminal gang and terrorist cell -
sledgehammer/nut, who can tell?

UNDER THE PRETENCE OF FREEDOM

Under the pretence of freedom,
a few control the many,
keeping tensions heightened,
keeping us all frightened.

They agitate, alarm, appal,
brow beat, bully, chill,
daunt, deter, dismay,
harrow, haunt, horrify,
intimidate, oppress, overawe,
panic, perturb, rattle,
spy, snoop, sneak,
scare, shake, stun,
terrify, terrorise, threaten,
torment, unnerve and keep us on the run.

Under the pretence of freedom,

a few control the many,

keeping tensions heightened,

keeping us all frightened.

12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (SINISTER VERSION)

This is an alternative take on the 12 days of Christmas from my book Only Yules & Verses (available here - http://www.feedaread.com/ ........sing along kids........

12 DAYS

On the first day of Christmas, 


A joker sent to me, 


A matchbox

With a hyperactive flea. 



On the second day of Christmas, 


A joker sent to me,


Two wriggly spiders, 


And a matchbox

With a hyperactive flea. 

 



On the third day of Christmas, 


A joker sent to me,


Three creepy-crawlies, 


Two wriggly spiders, 


And a matchbox

With a hyperactive flea. 

 

 

On the fourth day of Christmas, 


A joker sent to me,


Four willy-worms, 


Three creepy-crawlies, 


Two wriggly spiders, 


And a matchbox

With a hyperactive flea. 

 



On the fifth day of Christmas, 


A joker sent to me, 


Five ladybirds,

Four willy-worms, 


Three creepy-crawlies, 


Two wriggly spiders, 


And a matchbox

With a hyperactive flea. 

 
 

On the sixth day of Christmas, 

A joker sent to me, 


Six bees a-buzzing, 


Five ladybirds,

Four willy-worms, 


Three creepy-crawlies, 


Two wriggly spiders, 


And a matchbox

With a hyperactive flea. 

 



On the seventh day of Christmas, 


A joker sent to me, 


Seven hornets humming, 


Six bees a-buzzing, 


Five ladybirds,

Four willy-worms, 


Three creepy-crawlies, 


Two wriggly spiders, 


And a matchbox

With a hyperactive flea. 

 



On the eighth day of Christmas, 


A joker sent to me, 


Eight dragonflies, 


Seven hornets humming, 


Six bees a-buzzing, 


Five ladybirds,

Four willy-worms, 


Three creepy-crawlies, 


Two wriggly spiders, 


And a matchbox

With a hyperactive flea. 

 



On the ninth day of Christmas, 


A joker sent to me, 


Nine caterpillars, 


Eight dragonflies, 


Seven hornets humming, 


Six bees a-buzzing, 


Five ladybirds,

Four willy-worms, 


Three creepy-crawlies, 


Two wriggly spiders, 


And a matchbox

With a hyperactive flea. 

 



On the tenth day of Christmas, 


A joker sent to me, 


Ten beetles beetling, 


Nine caterpillars, 


Eight dragonflies, 


Seven hornets humming, 


Six bees a-buzzing, 


Five ladybirds,

Four willy-worms, 


Three creepy-crawlies, 


Two wriggly spiders, 


And a matchbox

With a hyperactive flea. 

 

 

On the eleventh day of Christmas, 


A joker sent to me, 


Eleven crickets clicking

Ten beetles beetling, 


Nine caterpillars, 


Eight dragonflies, 


Seven hornets humming, 


Six bees a-buzzing, 


Five ladybirds,

Four willy-worms, 


Three creepy-crawlies, 


Two wriggly spiders, 


And a matchbox

With a hyperactive flea. 

 



On the twelfth day of Christmas, 


A joker sent to me,


Twelve wasps a-stinging, 


Eleven crickets clicking, 

Ten beetles beetling, 


Nine caterpillars, 


Eight dragonflies, 


Seven hornets humming, 


Six bees a-buzzing, 


Five ladybirds,

Four willy-worms, 


Three creepy-crawlies, 


Two wriggly spiders, 


And a matchbox

with a hyperactive flea. 

 



On the thirteenth day of Christmas,

Of  these “gifts” I’d had my fill,

So I grabbed the phone and made a call

To pest* controllers….. Rentokil.

*And that includes the joker!

COLD CALLERS

Cold callers,  script-readers on the phone line,
"Allo, mate" the usual opening blurt,
From a geezer-sounding pipsqueak of a squirt.
Chumminess and sales patter both combine
To raise my hackles and to boil the blood -
Double-glazing, new driveway, roof repairs,
Insurance, pensions, random questionnaires -
Just snake-oil blether, full of crap and crud.
They want money, think I'm an easy touch,
Out for the vulnerable gal or chap,
The weakling, the patsy, the eventual sap,
To sign a contract for such and such.
The reaction to all this crap and crud?
Just slam the phone down with a thud.