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Saturday, 6 October 2012

CAPTAIN IN MY DREAMS

I grew up loving 
the shipping forecast,
the rhythm of the words,
the strange and exotic names,
easing out of the wireless
into my imagination.......

....Viking...North Utsire...South Utsire...Forties...
Cromarty...Forth...Tyne...Dogger...
Fisher...German Bight...Humber...Thames...
Dover...Wight...Portland...Plymouth...
Biscay...Trafalgar...Finisterre...Sole...
Lundy...Fastnet...Irish Sea...Shannon...
Rockall...Malin...Hebrides...Bailey...
Fair Isle...Faeroes...Southeast Iceland...

"Attention all shipping. There are gale warnings........"

At home, secure in bed, 
captain in my dreams,
adventurer in my head,
no risk, no danger for me,
unlike the crews out there
sailing an unpredictable sea.

Friday, 5 October 2012

REALITY TV NEWS


Give me a big, fat, ugly woman
and a big, fat, ugly man
in normal everyday clothes
to read the news on TV.

Give me faces with shaving cuts,
freckles, acne and scars,
hairy nostrils and yellow teeth
to report what's happening.

Give me real people who fart
and belch on air, scratch,
sniff, snort and sneeze,
using their sleeves as hankies.

Give me flesh and blood,
give me ums and errs,
give me the plain-Jane passer-by,
give me Mr and Mrs Ordinary from the shop queue.

To hell with robocaster,
to hell with autocue,
to hell with lip gloss,
to hell with style and stylists,
to hell with the rush to airbrush.

Just tell me what’s going on in the world!

Thursday, 4 October 2012

WORLD LEADER - THE MUSICAL (PANTS ON FIRE)


Leader:

"Of course we don’t torture
(tee hee)
Of course we don’t bully
(tee he)
Of course we don’t lie
(tee hee)
Of course we don’t  bluff
(tee hee)
Of course we don’t murder
(tee hee)
Of course we don’t violate rights
(tee hee)
Of course we are honourable
(tee hee)
Of course we follow the law
(tee hee)
Of course we listen to the people
(tee hee)
Of course we have integrity
(tee hee)
Of course we have values
(tee hee)
Of course, of course, of course
(cough, splutter)"

People chorus:

"Liar, liar, pants on fire......."


Wednesday, 3 October 2012

PASSPORT PHOTO

I found an old passport photograph,
had a laugh,
my how I've changed,
back then looked sinister,
a bit deranged,
on the basis on that stare,
in the airport departures hall
it was a wonder that scary face
was allowed to travel at all.

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

SELF-APPRAISAL

Self-appraisal,
motivational fuel,
if you're brutally honest,
can be very cruel,
weight it all up,
life and career,
some stuff to regret,
some stuff to cheer,
sometimes a failure,
sometimes success,
somethings to relish,
somethings a mess,
look through clear glass,
not rose-tinted gauze
and know the older I get,
the better I was.........