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Sunday, 13 February 2022

PAIRS









A poem I included in a fun Valentine-related collection (Only Drools & Corsets) a few years ago.


We go together

Like crackers and cheese,
Like thank you and please,
Like skip and rope,
Like water and soap,
Like moon and stars,
Like jams and jars,
Like Morecambe and Wise,
Like pork and pies
Like seek and hide,
Like Bonnie and Clyde,
Like comb and hair,
Like table and chair,
Like Ant and Dec,
Like Fiona and Shrek,
Like peas and pod,
Like hook and rod, 
Like bread and butter.
Like mumble and mutter,
Like Minnie and Mickey,
Like glue and sticky,
Like Adam and Eve,
Like ho and heave,
Like Batman and Robin,
Like thread and bobbin,
Like Homer and Marge,
Like canal and barge,
Like Barbie and Ken,
Like cluck and hen,
Like Jack and Jill,
Like Ben and Bill,
Like Hansel and Gretel,
Like flower and petal,
Like Tom and Jerry,
Like Christmas and merry, 
Like bacon and eggs,
Like stockings and legs,
Like Black and Decker,
Like wood and pecker,
Like bow and arrow,
Like wheel and barrow,
Like click and clack,
Like train and track,
Like fish and chips,
Like walnuts and whips,
Like Watson and Holmes,
Like barbers and combs,
Like Wooster and Jeeves,
Like autumn and leaves,
Like finish and start
(And, I do apologise),
Like beans and fart,


Thursday, 10 February 2022

THE RAPTURES BY JAN CARSON

 


















The Raptures


by


Jan Carson

 

Doubleday

2022

 

I finished this novel a couple of hours ago and went out for a long walk.  It was all I could think about.  It is that powerful.  It is the story of what happens when tragedy occurs in a sleepy Northern Irish village, Ballylack.  Friends of young Hannah, the main character, fall foul of a mysterious illness that is both scary and relentless in its spread through a group of young schoolchildren.  Hannah stays healthy and feels guilty about it.

 

The story has many ingredients including family tensions, fear, worry, panic, mystery, strict religious convictions, flaring tempers, suspicion, crime, vigilantes, as well as imaginative weaving of aspects of the supernatural.  It is also a story well-laced with humour - darkness and light in the hands of a brilliant storyteller.  

 

In its way, The Raptures is a coming-of-age story as we follow and feel for Hannah, how she processes the tragedies around her and considers what her adult future will hold after, hopefully, the trauma eases.  (I am trying very hard not to dish out any spoilers!)

 

To use a favourite Jan Carson word here, there is a rake of twists, turns, surprises, emotions and comedy in this wonderful book.  

 

I began my interest in Jan’s writing with her award-winning novel, The Fire Starters, followed by her collections, Postcard Stories, Postcard Stories 2 and The Last Resort.  And I’m glad I did.  The Raptures is a fine addition to her impressive writing CV.  Jan Carson deserves all her successes.   

 

Bravo!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tuesday, 8 February 2022

SHOWBIZ AWARDS - WHO CARES?

There was a time many moons ago when show business awards events were exciting.  The announcement of nominations and the build-ups were quite something, and we held our breath as envelopes were opened and we waited for the name of the winners.

Now, just about all the fun and thrill has been drained from ceremonies as issues and campaigns hog the platforms.

The Academy Awards have always been the biggie, but I haven't watched them in over a decade.  It has been difficult to impossible to avoid news of controversial speeches, criticism of nominees, imbalances in race and gender and whatever the current topic-of-the-moment is. The actual films have dropped down the agenda.

As I write this, I am thinking: What's the point of awards anyway? Why do we need them? Money involved, obviously, but why not stop handing out gongs and let the movies find their place in history on their own merits.

BAFTAS, Brits, Golden Globes and all the rest. Who cares? Who?





Monday, 7 February 2022

NOT A DOG (OR ANY KIND OF PET) PERSON

This post might lose me some social media and actual friends, but I don't like dogs around me or near me.  I respect people who adore dogs, cats and other pets and I expect a little of the same respect from those adoring their canine, feline and other friends. I choose not to like pets.

A thing that bothers me, not to any high degree, is that the media has latched on to the notion that we are a nation of dog lovers. The truth is we are a nation where there is a fairly high percentage of the population that love dogs. And I'm okay with that.

But count me out.

The media is increasingly obsessed with dogs and dog owners and the companionship, therapy and health benefits that dogs bring. Good for all those people who get their comforts from pets.

When booking hotels, restaurants and considering pubs, 'dog friendly' turns me off and I take my business elsewhere.

I don't like dogs and that's it.

Don't judge me because I'm not you.


 

Sunday, 6 February 2022

SHE NEVER GETS SICK OF ELVIS (LYRICS TO A 3-CHORD COUNTRY SONG)

 Lyrics to an attempt at a three-chord country song written by me several years ago. When you strum, it kinda works.

 

Chorus

She never gets sick of Elvis

But she sure gets sick of me.

She says she gets lonesome at night,

That's something I can't see.

She says: "He's in my CD rack,

No, of course, he's not dead,

He's in my speakers singing,

Performing in my head."

 

1

I met her in the 50s,

When Elvis changed the world.

I was her only boy

And she was my only girl

 

We danced a lot to Hound Dog

And our love was tender too,

But now she taunts my wooden heart

And there's not much I can do.

 

Chorus

She never gets sick of Elvis

But she sure gets sick of me.

She says she gets lonesome at night,

That's something I can't see.

She says: "He's in my CD rack,

No, of course, he's not dead,

He's in my speakers singing,

Performing in my head."

 

2

Our walls are full of pictures

Of Elvis through the years.

She loves to sing the songs

While I like drinking beers.

 

Elvis when I wake up,

Sunrise to sundown,

He's her king of rock and roll

And I'm her jester clown.

 

Chorus

She never gets sick of Elvis

But she sure gets sick of me.

She says she gets lonesome at night,

That's something I can't see.

She says: "He's in my CD rack,

No, of course, he's not dead,

He's in my speakers singing,

Performing in my head."

Sunday, 30 January 2022

5 THINGS (OF MANY) I DON"T CARE ABOUT

 



1. Who will be the next James Bond?


2. Who will replace Jon Snow at Channel 4 News?


3. Any TV show title that starts with The Great British........


4. (Linked to 3.) Any TV show that has judges.


5. Soaps


That'll do for the moment!