THE SMILE POEMS #41 - TITHE BARN

 I have a portfolio of features, reviews, poetry and short fiction published in all sorts of places - Belfast Telegraph, Tribune, Ireland's Own, Dalhousie Review, Fairlight Books, Reader's Digest, Reality, Lapwing Poetry, Ink, Sweat & Tears, Spillwords, Dear Reader, Amethyst Review, Black Bough, to name a selection.  Oh, and the odd BBC radio contribution. I wrote books on retailing, on dealing with job losses and a biography of film star Stephen Boyd.

This is a series of (hopefully) funny poems from hundreds I've written over the years (inspired by the likes of Spike Milligan and Roger McGough) to provoke a smile in these odd times.

My own original Text ©2020 Joe Cushnan (But you can RT!) 

TITHE BARN

 

The crooked line of the red roof tiles

could be seen from the brow of the hill,

a perfect building for its background,

an Ulster barn weathered by damp and chill.

On this day it was a timber store

and forestry equipment warehouse

but the historical solid beams dominated,

emphasising the sadness of modern misuse.

It had little natural daylight

and there was a mysterious gloom,

a darkness, a dust-haze and, then, movement,

maybe mice, rats or ghosts from a past womb,

groans, creaks, mindful of nobler times,

noise of ancestors in rustic prose and rhymes.

The property developer stepped back 

and admired this potential habitat

Rubbed his hands and said: 

“I’ll get a million quid for that.”

THE SMILE POEMS #40 - CRUSH ON OXFORD STREET

I have a portfolio of features, reviews, poetry and short fiction published in all sorts of places - Belfast Telegraph, Tribune, Ireland's Own, Dalhousie Review, Fairlight Books, Reader's Digest, Reality, Lapwing Poetry, Ink, Sweat & Tears, Spillwords, Dear Reader, Amethyst Review, Black Bough, to name a selection.  Oh, and the odd BBC radio contribution. I wrote books on retailing, on dealing with job losses and a biography of film star Stephen Boyd.

This is a series of (hopefully) funny poems from hundreds I've written over the years (inspired by the likes of Spike Milligan and Roger McGough) to provoke a smile in these odd times.

My own original Text ©2020 Joe Cushnan (But you can RT!) 

CRUSH IN OXFORD STREET

 

I look down towards Selfridges

From as far away as Bond Street

And I see you window shopping,

Coping with the ebb and flow,

The pull and push,

And I develop a crush.

 

The police, much maligned,

Line up to guide me through,

They close the street to avoid accidents,

Restrict walkers and drivers,

To completely clear an avenue

Allowing me to get to you.

 

I'm there, intimidated by stares,

But the cops hold the line,

And as I look at you in romantic awe,

I offer to carry your bags,

I invite you for coffee and mints

And you turn to your boyfriend, 

Shake your head and wince.

 

THE SMILE POEMS #39 - BIRDS IN TREES

 I have a portfolio of features, reviews, poetry and short fiction published in all sorts of places - Belfast Telegraph, Tribune, Ireland's Own, Dalhousie Review, Fairlight Books, Reader's Digest, Reality, Lapwing Poetry, Ink, Sweat & Tears, Spillwords, Dear Reader, Amethyst Review, Black Bough, to name a selection.  Oh, and the odd BBC radio contribution. I wrote books on retailing, on dealing with job losses and a biography of film star Stephen Boyd.

This is a series of (hopefully) funny poems from hundreds I've written over the years (inspired by the likes of Spike Milligan and Roger McGough) to provoke a smile in these odd times.

My own original Text ©2020 Joe Cushnan (But you can RT!) 

BIRDS IN TREES

 

ash oak fir yew palm owl pine alder beech cedar willow redwood sycamore magpie ash oak fir yew palm crow pine alder beech cedar willow redwood sycamore ash oak fir yew palm pine alder dove beech cedar willow redwood sycamore ash oak fir yew palm pine alder beech cedar willow hawk redwood sycamore ash oak fir yew palm pine falcon alder beech cedar willow redwood sycamore ash oak fir yew palm pine alder lark beech cedar willow redwood sycamore ash oak fir yew palm pine alder beech cedar willow eagle redwood sycamore ash oak fir yew palm pine alder beech cedar finch willow redwood sycamore ash oak fir yew palm pine alder beech cedar willow redwood sycamore raven ash oak fir yew palm pine alder beech cedar willow redwood sycamore ash oak robin fir yew palm pine alder beech cedar willow redwood sycamore ash oak fir yew sparrow palm pine alder beech cedar willow redwood sycamore parrot ash oak fir yew palm pine

THE SMILE POEMS #38 - COMFY BOOK

 I have a portfolio of features, reviews, poetry and short fiction published in all sorts of places - Belfast Telegraph, Tribune, Ireland's Own, Dalhousie Review, Fairlight Books, Reader's Digest, Reality, Lapwing Poetry, Ink, Sweat & Tears, Spillwords, Dear Reader, Amethyst Review, Black Bough, to name a selection.  Oh, and the odd BBC radio contribution. I wrote books on retailing, on dealing with job losses and a biography of film star Stephen Boyd.

This is a series of (hopefully) funny poems from hundreds I've written over the years (inspired by the likes of Spike Milligan and Roger McGough) to provoke a smile in these odd times.

My own original Text ©2020 Joe Cushnan (But you can RT!) 

COMFY BOOK

Brewer's Dictionary

of Phrase & Fable

makes a comfy footrest 

under the table.

THE SMILE POEMS #37 - WOCKY, TRYING TO JABBER LIKE STANLEY UNWIN

 I have a portfolio of features, reviews, poetry and short fiction published in all sorts of places - Belfast Telegraph, Tribune, Ireland's Own, Dalhousie Review, Fairlight Books, Reader's Digest, Reality, Lapwing Poetry, Ink, Sweat & Tears, Spillwords, Dear Reader, Amethyst Review, Black Bough, to name a selection.  Oh, and the odd BBC radio contribution. I wrote books on retailing, on dealing with job losses and a biography of film star Stephen Boyd.

This is a series of (hopefully) funny poems from hundreds I've written over the years (inspired by the likes of Spike Milligan and Roger McGough) to provoke a smile in these odd times.

My own original Text ©2020 Joe Cushnan (But you can RT!) 

WOCKY, TRYING TO JABBER LIKE STANLEY UNWIN

Tis brilliant watching slimy toads

that flobber and guttle in the pond,

all mucksy in the weedlereeds,

calm, at peace and cuddlyfond.

 

Giggleguffaw at every plop,

sniggersome child enjoying these beauts,

lily-paddling natterjacks

frolically playing with frogs and newts.

 

In sportly mode, the sniggersome child

would grablunge to catch a slimy toad

but the slimy toad was smart-alecky cute,

leapjumping away to another abode.

 

And then as duskiness dimmed the day,

off the child would ploddingly stomp,

damplebum-dirty from head to toe

but hungry for a homely din-dinnerly chomp.

THE SMILE POEMS #36 - JUST THE JOB

 I have a portfolio of features, reviews, poetry and short fiction published in all sorts of places - Belfast Telegraph, Tribune, Ireland's Own, Dalhousie Review, Fairlight Books, Reader's Digest, Reality, Lapwing Poetry, Ink, Sweat & Tears, Spillwords, Dear Reader, Amethyst Review, Black Bough, to name a selection.  Oh, and the odd BBC radio contribution. I wrote books on retailing, on dealing with job losses and a biography of film star Stephen Boyd.

This is a series of (hopefully) funny poems from hundreds I've written over the years (inspired by the likes of Spike Milligan and Roger McGough) to provoke a smile in these odd times.

My own original Text ©2020 Joe Cushnan (But you can RT!) 

 JUST THE JOB

 

I found it hard to become a poet, for I found no rhyme or reason to it.

I tried being a man of the cloth for a spell but in the end it was hell.

Working in a coffee shop I tended to find, it was just the same old daily grind.

I tried teaching history but boredom blew it, as I couldn’t see a future to it.

I fancied being a doctor but soon withdrew as I hadn’t the patience to see it through.

I went to Canada with some lumberjacks but couldn’t cut it, so I got the axe.

Back to a shoe shop for a little bit but failed again ‘cos I didn’t fit.

First day in the match factory, quick as you like, the entire workforce went on strike.

I tried oil drilling and exploring but things looked black and the work was boring.

So, I’m back as a poet, a blessing and curse, writing away from bad to verse.

 

THE SMILE POEMS #35 - I WONDER

 I have a portfolio of features, reviews, poetry and short fiction published in all sorts of places - Belfast Telegraph, Tribune, Ireland's Own, Dalhousie Review, Fairlight Books, Reader's Digest, Reality, Lapwing Poetry, Ink, Sweat & Tears, Spillwords, Dear Reader, Amethyst Review, Black Bough, to name a selection.  Oh, and the odd BBC radio contribution. I wrote books on retailing, on dealing with job losses and a biography of film star Stephen Boyd.

This is a series of (hopefully) funny poems from hundreds I've written over the years (inspired by the likes of Spike Milligan and Roger McGough) to provoke a smile in these odd times.

My own original Text ©2020 Joe Cushnan (But you can RT!) 

I WONDER

Professor Clarence Cleverclogs

gazed up at the stars

and wondered with a furrowed brow 

if Martians eat Earth bars.