APPETITE FOR HOAXES

Satisfy the hungry audience.....

appetite for jokes,
appetite for pranks,
appetite for hoaxes,
appetite for stunts,
the zany,
the crazy,
the clown,
the lets-take-the-mickey,
the professional buffoon,
the just-for-a-laugh
TV and radio loon.

Audience winners
for the media folks,
cheap laughs as they mock
the butt of the jokes.

But some jokes aren't funny,
some insult and offend,
that's the pranksters risk - 
how will it end?

ALWAYS STONES

Always stones to throw,
always dreams to shatter,
for the most bizarre of reasons. 
The excuse? A (see below*) matter.

The removal of an emblem
stirred the restless herd
and we're back when petrol bombs
seemed mightier than the word.

The banner, the bunting, the pennant,
the symbol, the badge, the flag,
history is the baggage
that we seem content to drag.

Not waving, but rioting.




* Insert "trivial" or "significant" depending on which side of the fence you operate

I WAS JAMES GARNER.....

The arm of the chair was more than an arm,

it was my horse as a kid while watching TV,

I watched all the westerns and lived every second,

for there on the screen I swore it was me.

I was James Garner, I was Bret Maverick,

I was Will Hutchins, I was Tom Brewster,

I was Clint Walker, I was Cheyenne Bodie,

I was Ty Hardin, I was Bronco Layne,

I was Robert Fuller, I was Jess Harper,

I was Michael Landon, I was Joe Cartwright,

I was Fess Parker, I was Davy Crockett,

I was James Arness, I was Matt Dillon,

I was Richard Boone, I was Paladin,

I was Clayton Moore, I was the Lone Ranger,

I was Jock Mahoney, I was the Range Rider,

I was Clint Eastwood, I was Rowdy Yates,

I was Dale Robertson, I was Jim Hardie,

I was Steve McQueen, I was Josh Randall,

I was Robert Horton, I was Flint McCullough,

I was Doug McClure, I was Trampas,

I was Cameron Mitchell, I was Buck Cannon,

I was Pete Duel, I was Hannibal Heyes.

I can’t imagine my life without western heroes,

the stetsons they wore and how they were dressed,

a young boy’s excitement at theme songs and music,

saddling up on the chair and riding way out west. 

GEORGE & THE DRAG ON

Sometimes we battle the winds and shout back at the thunder,

become the budgie on the ladder, the rat on the treadmill,

steering ourselves and our kin through the rapids,

dodging the craters and potholes on life’s highways,

diverting left and right, dodging slips, trips and falls,

fighting the bulls and bears, the boom-bust-boom-bust bankers,

carrying the depression of the recession, shoulders forced to sink,

falling exhausted into the armchair, feeling like the weakest link.

Then, flickering on the screen in the big box in the corner,

our George, the fiscal funster, all furrowed, a deadpan chap ,

tells us that times are hard and friends are few,

reminding us that the whole world order is “out of order”,

that we should see our leaders in the form of a bright blessing,

as he blinds us with talk of money-maths ending in endless zeros,

and I try not to think of this eek-onomics man as a curse,

until I check for my share and find there’s nothing in my purse.

Compared to how Dick Turpin went about his chosen task,

is this Osborne Autumn Statement another method…

.....with the same mask?

THESE POEMS

These poems 
are for the interested,
these poems 
are for the bored,
to be loved or hated 
in equal measure,
or worse,
to be ignored.

DRAWING BLANKS

I'd like to write ****
but I might offend someone
I'd like to write about *******
but I might offend someone
I'd like to say something about ****
but I might offend someone
I have an opinion on *********
but I might offend someone
I want to publish a poem about **********
but I might offend someone
I'd like to say I don't agree with ********
but I might offend someone
I want to think out loud about *******
but I might offend someone

I want to see 
how far 
free speech
can reach

But as I have political correctness to thank,
I'll have to draw a blank.

MOST VIEWED POSTS 7 DAYS TO 01.12.12

Here are the links to the most viewed posts on this blog in the past 7 days - just click to read.

Also checkout out my latest poetry book collections on Amazon, Barnes & Noble etc,

A Belfast Kid
Geek! Poems Because of the Music
Hamish Sheaney: The Nearly-Man of Irish Literature

THREE DAYS IN A LIFE
AMHRAIN ADUAIDH
MONSTER IN THE CUPBOARD
MUCH TO UNRAVEL
GROWLERS (VAN MORRISON & BOB