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Saturday, 26 May 2018


Over a long period of time, I have jotted down snatches of conversations overheard in the streets, in queues, in waiting rooms and barber shops, on trains, in cafes, pubs and restaurants and all manner of places.

They are all true moments. I have no idea what the conversations were before and after the bits I overheard. Here's a few examples. 

"I’ll see you on the 5th
unless it changes to the 7th."

"I told him I wanted
all them presents wrapped
by the time I get home." 

"It’s all pins and pisswords, 
I mean passwords, these days." 

"I only need a small one
but if he gives me the large one
at the same price as a small one,
I’ll take it." 

"Don’t feed the wrong bread to birds.
It sticks to their beaks." 

"I’d phone but I can’t remember the number.
Anyway, I haven’t got my phone with me." 

"That man playing the accordion
obviously hasn’t had his second lesson yet."

“If it’s not working, it’ll be 
the snow on the satellite dish.” 

“I don’t like onions
but I love onion rings.” 

“You can tell by the way he stands
that he’s about to hit somebody.” 

“I had £90 cash in my wallet this morning.
Not even lunchtime and I’ve got zip.” 

“I’m going to Greece. 
He can come if he likes.” 

“I’d had a few drinks 
but I was stone-cold sober.” 

“Are you going to walk
the same speed as me,
or what?” 

“I could murder
a sausage sandwich.” 

“I’ll grin and bear it for a while longer
before bothering the doctor.” 

“I’m gagging. I’m gagging.” 

“I’ve been at this stall for four hours
and I haven’t even made a quid.” 

“You can pick and mix
off the Valentine’s love menu.” 

“Shopping trolleys are handy
but they do get heavy.” 

“To get the benefit
you have to exercise as well.” 

“I’ll wait here for you.
Don’t come out the wrong door.” 

“You carry this bag 
and I’ll carry that bag
And we’ll swap halfway.” 

“He bought a brown suit.
He bought a brown suit.”

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