Rudolph ate the Christmas tree
while Santa wasn't looking,
turkey hid the stuffing
to sabotage the cooking,
sherry superglued the cork
to stop pre-dinner drinking,
mince pies took a long deep breath
and their middles started sinking,
presents all unwrapped themselves
and swapped the labels round,
cards erased their sentiments
looking blankly at the ground,
tinsel lost its sparkle
in a game of festive whist,
mistletoe withdrew its role
to prompt the Christmas kiss.
It was a relief to find
that this nightmare wasn't true
I just dreamt it as I dozed
in the supermarket queue.
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