10 RECORDS I ONCE LOVED BUT NOW CAN'T STAND

When these records first came out, I enjoyed them, along with millions of other people around the world.  I have been doing a bit of stocktaking for a writing project and, on reflection, it would not upset me if I never heard these tracks again. 

American Pie (1971) Don McLean

Bohemian Rhapsody (1975) Queen

Fairytale of New York (1987) The Pogues featuring Kirsty McColl)

Imagine (1971) John Lennon

Stairway to Heaven (1971) Led Zeppelin

Albatross (1968) Fleetwood Mac

My Way (1969) Frank Sinatra

Space Oddity (1969) David Bowie

A Day in the Life (1967) The Beatles

Fields of Gold (1993) Sting

If I scour my memory, there will be many more than 10!

TV SHOWS THAT I WILL NEVER WATCH AGAIN

 

10 UK TV shows, I will never watch again. Includes anything that features judges or so-called experts.

No order. And not the end of it. 

Strictly Come Dancing

The Great British Bake Off

The BBC News

The ITV News

Sky News

BBC Question Time

Prime Minister's Questions (PMQs)

Any quiz show hosted by a celebrity (excluding Bradley Walsh - least annoying)

Any travel show hosted by a celebrity

Anything narrated by David Attenborough

EAVESDROPPINGS - A SELECTION OF TRUE THINGS OVERHEARD

 

I love making a note of the things I overhear people say.  Here's a few - and all true.

‘Every Christmas
I send him a long letter.
I think he appreciates it.
He’s in prison, like.
Nothing serious.’

‘He’s had his final last chance.
Every frigging time
he thinks he can waltz back
as if nothing has changed.
No more. No fucking way.’

‘You have rice with it.
Everybody does.
You don’t have chips
with Chicken a la King.’

‘You’ll have to come down yourself.
They won’t let me in the bookies
with a baby.’

‘Hey big bollocks,
how’s it hanging?’

‘He has to take it easy.
They found a kink
in his small intestine.'

‘I don’t think I will
but I know I could.
Maybe I should.
What’s the worst than can happen?’

‘Her birthday present will be a surprise.
It’s not what she wants
but it’s what she’s getting.
She’ll get the hump
but she’ll have to lump it.’

‘Ach, I do miss him.
He used to kill all the spiders.’

‘Some nights I think I wear
all the clothes I’ve got,
layers and layers.
I can’t afford the heating.’

‘At the funeral somebody said
that for all his faults
he had lovely handwriting.’

‘I can’t get used to a Great Dane
in the living room.’

‘Can’t believe the number
of orange trees in Seville.”

‘He slammed the door
and cracked the glass
with that temper of his.’

‘Every time you come shopping with me
you turn into an idiot. Go and sit
on that bench over there until I’m finished.’

‘Some days I need the stick
and some days I don’t.
It depends on what my leg tells me.’

‘It’s against the law to call them Cornish.
They’re meat and vegetable pasties now.’

‘Watch out. That puddle’s wet.’

10 THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF RIGHT NOW

 

In no particular order:

Politicians who lie, deny and cling to the wreckage, even though they are guilty as sin.

Putin.

Littermongers.

People who vape like Puffing Billy, especially when I am walking right behind them.

Celebrities, especially in the Christmas memoir season, who feel the need to "open up", "reach out", etc with their exaggerated angst, boohoo stories.

Morning/daytime TV blether and blah shows, including so-called news shows.

Idiot car drivers who can't be bothered to park in the right way in the right places.

Northern Irish politicians. 

Jimmy Fallon and his false laughter.

Adele. 

And that's only 10!!

WELCOME WEE MAN

 

At 4.52 am,

on the 13th October, 2022,

Thursday,

286^th day of the year,

opal and tourmaline

birthstones sparkled,

under the sign of Libra,

love and peace, amor et pax,

welcome baby Max

 

CAGE FIGHT

 Cage Fight

God had brainstormed some rules for living before

Work began on his biggest project. Operation Creation!

No groin attacks, no strikes to the back of the head, 

No eye-gouging, no fish-hooking, no biting, no hair-pulling,

No grabbing by the throat, no stomping on the spine,

No fingers in body holes, no head butts, no bone-breaking.

For those who believe Eden, the apple and snake tale,

This is a definition of paradise, the only example

Of a once-in-a-lifetime chance to create trust

And certainty. But from blueprint to reality, the plan would fail.

The forbidden tree of knowledge could not be resisted,

Fruit was plucked and eaten in the first defiant act,

Nothing and no one would ever be the same again.

From that beautiful cartoon garden to chaos.

The global cage fight began. Pugnacious versus pacifist,

Aggression versus integrity versus sincerity, and that versus this

And this versus that. Combat. Cruelty. Carnage.

The world grinding on, lubricated by plentiful bloodshed.

And all, if you believe the yarn, on the bite of an apple.