This is not an original from me but it came to mind.
An alternative version of Show Me The Way To Go Home, to be sung as a less than sober toff:
Point me the way to my abode,
I'm inebriated and I need some kip,
I had a little drop of intoxicating liquor
and it's gone right to......the top of my anatomy
No matter where I may perambulate
over land or sea or atmospheric density,
you will always hear me crooning this tune,
show me the way to go home.